Retentions of Mom

Always love your mother, because you will never get another.

I’m smiling at this very moment. I remember everything being with you nanay.

When I was a child, friends of Nanay and our relatives was teasing me that i am a mama’s boy. They said I’m always behind her back, hiding under her legs.

My auntie told me, I’m always a cry baby and used to bang my head on the walls when Nanay left me in Lola’s place for many times because she is processing something for my Lolo’s pension in manila. Every time we’re going to Lola’s place, I knew I was in trouble; she will leave me with Lola (Paternal grandmother).

She was fooling me every time she will make an exit. As I remember, she asked me to go to Lola and check the pigs in the backyard. So I go with Lola, unheedingly I saw her she was standing on the roadside waiting for the bus going to Lucena. From the backyard to gardens hallway, I yowling and running after her. At the end of the day, she wins. Ha-ha

My mother has tremendous heart for other person, which is why I differed from my auntie’s description about my mom. “madamot”, said she is hiding food from them; in fact she is keeping food for her child. That is so lovely for me.

Do you believe me if I say she grew up in the heart of a mountain? Her parents have a small wooden house on the top. Her playground is a wide forest; she grew up with few playmates. She has to walk 2 hours going to school every day. Her life is hard and full of challenges but she has the gumption to do something about it instead of being a coward.

I have no idea how my parents met. Never have a chance to ask nor did I never ask my father. All I know is the story of their weddings. Dad told me, after the wedding ceremony, from the church they managed to climb on the top of the mountain because the reception was there. He told me they climbed up wearing those wedding dress. Ha-ha but I don’t believe in him. If only I can rebut to him. “Isn’t it obvious that you and mom ride on the back of the horse?”

Have you imagined my father, he has to climb 2 hours every time she visits my mom?

There is a time, I have a conversation with the kumpare of my Tatay, and he told me my mother was the most beautiful woman in our street. I replied back to him: well’ look at the product isn’t it obvious? LOL

I was 8, when Nanay diagnose with ovarian cyst. It is a fluid-filled sac within the ovary. Occasionally they may produce bloating, lower abdominal pain, or lower back pain. If the cyst either breaks open or causes twisting of the ovary severe pain may occur. This may result in vomiting or feeling faint. That time I have no idea about what she is struggling. She had undergone (Laparotomy) removal of ovarian cyst. Luckily, she survived that operation. She managed to recover for a few months of medications. You will see in our backyard a pile of pineapple cans. The doctor prescribed it to drink for her fast recovery.

A year later, she was diagnosed by Acute Appendicitis.

One morning, my dad wake me up not to have breakfast and attend school. Dad told me, “Wake up! Come with me. We need to bring your mom to the hospital; she was vomiting and having abdominal pain”. I have no idea that it is her remaining days of her life. I thought it was just a simple disease that can be cure after sometime. Tatay asked my auntie to bring me home, it’s not allowed for a kid to stay longer in the hospital. It is possible for me to acquire diseases. So I went home, not in the least imagine I will never hear her voice again.

One afternoon, I was playing when dad came back from the hospital, I can’t describe his face, but I’m sure he is crying. He grasp my arms, asked me to sit and throw words; “Wala na sya, wala na yun nanay mo.” I don’t really understand what it is all about but I know for sure, I’ve lost my mom. I don’t know why I don’t cry out in front of him that time. He strained and said:  Your mom has dying words, “asan na si mak, bigyan mo ng baon, papasok yun sa school”. A word tattooed in my heart, stays in my head.

At this stage in life, I’m still longing for mothers love and care. Nanay, I really miss you. If only you were here, you will be proud of my accomplishments and person I’ve become. The day you’re gone, you handed me your character, being bold and independent. 

Ngayon darating na Mother’s Day. Hindi ko maiwasang makadama ng lungkot at inggit, yun gusto  ko na lang umiyak sa sulok at hayaang humupa ang lahat. Paano ba naman, sa Facebook may mga picture akong makikita kasama ng mga nanay nila with caption “I Love You Nanay.” Hindi ko man lang yan nasabi sa Nanay ko noon, Hindi ko nga din maalala kung nakapagbitaw ba ako ng salitang I Love You sa kanya.

Kaya ikaw dyan, a piece of advice for you, stand up! Take a step towards your mom and say the magic word “I love you mom”.

Forever yours,

Phiebe